Fear is
something that has nearly rendered me paralyzed for most of my life.
Fear of
rejection, fear of failure, fear of being wrong. Fear is a normal emotion, but by trying to
run from it, I have become a slave to it.
It has led me to strive for perfection in my life…so I don’t fail. If I
never fail, I won’t be rejected.
But I realize
now the fallacy of my reasoning.
My biggest fear
heading to Togo has always been that I will find myself in an emergency
situation with a patient and not know what to do. As my date of departure has drawn closer, I
initially found this fear getting more intense, to the point where I even
started to question if I should just give up medicine now.
Ridiculous!
But then I
realized that if I keep running from my fears, my life will be a waste. By
running, I essentially do nothing. By
doing nothing, I will be rendered completely useless as a physician. That is not what God is bringing me to Togo
for. I must walk into this fear.
For HIS purpose I came to this hour (not mine) and by HIS grace He will be glorified through my imperfection (whether
I want to admit my imperfection or not).
John 12:27 and 2 Corinthians 12:9.
If I claim to believe
in the truth of the Gospel, but live in fear, then I do not believe. So, I will choose to say, “I trust you Lord”
and I will refuse to let fear win.
After soooo much anticipation, I will
finally start my work in Togo in February.
The next update will actually be from Togo! I have made an enormous
amount of progress with my French over the past four months and I can now
officially live life in French. It’s not
always pretty, but style points will come with practice ;)
