Bring It!

Fear is something that has nearly rendered me paralyzed for most of my life.

Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being wrong.  Fear is a normal emotion, but by trying to run from it, I have become a slave to it.  It has led me to strive for perfection in my life…so I don’t fail. If I never fail, I won’t be rejected.

But I realize now the fallacy of my reasoning.

My biggest fear heading to Togo has always been that I will find myself in an emergency situation with a patient and not know what to do.  As my date of departure has drawn closer, I initially found this fear getting more intense, to the point where I even started to question if I should just give up medicine now.

Ridiculous!

But then I realized that if I keep running from my fears, my life will be a waste. By running, I essentially do nothing.  By doing nothing, I will be rendered completely useless as a physician.  That is not what God is bringing me to Togo for.  I must walk into this fear.

For HIS purpose I came to this hour (not mine) and by HIS grace He will be glorified through my imperfection (whether I want to admit my imperfection or not).  John 12:27 and 2 Corinthians 12:9.

If I claim to believe in the truth of the Gospel, but live in fear, then I do not believe.  So, I will choose to say, “I trust you Lord” and I will refuse to let fear win.

After soooo much anticipation, I will finally start my work in Togo in February.  The next update will actually be from Togo! I have made an enormous amount of progress with my French over the past four months and I can now officially live life in French.  It’s not always pretty, but style points will come with practice ;)

Thankful

I passed my beginner French class!!!  If you are familiar with the international language levels, I have passed the A1/A2 course and I am now onto B1!  The goal is to complete B2.  At that point, students are considered proficient in the language they are studying and are almost at the level of a native speaker.    

Little by little I can see my French improving.  Every week I am able to understand a little more and have slightly more complex conversations.  I think the key is not to stress over the learning process and to be able to recognize that it IS a process.  

Also, my dad was in town and we were able to do some exploring! We went on a trip to Mont Blanc and did some hiking in the Swiss Alps.

Mont Blanc: 

On our way up to Mont Blanc from 

Chamonix, France

 The little dots on the edge of the glacier are mountaineers!

The peak of Mont Blanc, the highest mountain in Europe.   

This photo was taken from 12,602 ft...

  

...from a look-out station. 

Dad and I in front of Mont Blanc. 

We could even seen Italy!

There were so many adventuresome people on the mountain!

 I really wish I had brought some crampons and a guide (and had some experience)!!  

This is the entrance onto the glacier for mountaineers and I really wanted to follow them!

Swiss Alps:

Quintessential Switzerland.  

The cows were wearing very loud cowbells. 

The last of the wild flowers.  

We made it to our destination!
 Lauberhorn (7,854ft)

Above the tree line. 

Jungfrau Region of the Alps above Wengnen. 

Finally, I am so thankful for all of you!  Thank you so much for your love and support!

Daring Greatly

Daring greatly.  That is how I feel about speaking French. 

The good news is; I am learning French!  The bad news is; it is a slow, difficult process.  Overall, my French classes are going well.  I have learned a lot these first few weeks and my instructors are pleased with my progress.  The class is conducted almost completely in French and I am able to understand most of what my instructors say (granted, they are speaking slowly and using words they have taught me).  I am learning how to communicate in French and can express myself on a basic level in class.

Outside of class is different story.  Suddenly I am met with expressions of confusion when I speak French.  Perhaps my pronunciation is slightly off and I cannot be understood or maybe I cannot be understood because my grammar is slightly off.  Constructing a sentence from scratch in a new language can be difficult!  My instructors understand me.  Why doesn’t everyone else? Then there are the looks of frustration when I have to admit to someone that I do not understand what they are saying.  I understand my instructors.  Why can’t I understand everyone else?

When I feel discouraged and want to be silent instead of attempt a conversation in French, I remind myself that learning something new takes courage.  The words of Theodore Roosevelt below offer great encouragement and remind me that, as I step into the uncertain arena each day, there is no guarantee that I will become fluent in French by the time I hope to, but at least I am daring greatly to reach my goal.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

                                                                                                            - Theodore Roosevelt

Learning to Trust

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  –Matthew 6:26 

If I take a moment to stop and think about what I am doing, I am tempted to think that I am crazy.  There is so much uncertainty ahead and so many places danger could be lurking.  Why am I leaving my comfort zone?  Do I have what it takes?  Is my medical knowledge going to be enough?  What if I don't learn French?  Did I bring everything I need?  What if this dream becomes a nightmare?  Did I hear you correctly, God?

Through the uncertainty, I am learning to rest in the promises of my heavenly Father who knows every detail of my life and, like any father, wants the best for His children.  He promises He is with us through everything and will not leave us during tough times.  There will certainly be tough times and disappointment ahead, but His word says I can make it through any situation with His help.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified…for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."  -Deuteronomy 31:6

The truth is, alone I probably do not have what it takes and at times my medical knowledge will not be enough, but I believe that God put the desire for medical missions in my heart, saw that desire to fruition and certainly will not leave me all alone now.  He has brought me this far and He will finish the work He has started. As I seek Him, He will give me what I need as I need it. 

I've been listening to this song a lot lately...

"There's not a place where I'll go, You've not already stood!"

Prayer Requests: 

- Please pray that I will learn French well (and quickly) over these next 6 months!!  I pretty much know zero French right now. 

**The views and opinions expressed in this blog are mine and do not necessarily reflect those of Samaritan's Purse.